32 Reasons To Leave Belfast For Ibiza…or anywhere

In honour of Made In Belfast’s Emma Bricknell who recently announced that she was leaving Northern Ireland for the sunnier Mediterranean island of Ibiza…I began to wonder what could motivate such a clearly outrageous plan…I mean, what possible reason could someone want out of our wee province? It was a struggle, but I came up with these…

You know you should leave because;

1. Because you treat bomb scares like there’s just an annoying bluebottle in the room

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2. Because you’ve heard so many acronyms for terrorist groups that you wonder what Taliban stands for

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3. Because you think chips are now an acceptable breakfast food

2015/01/img_2692.jpg

4. Because “Supper” now just means with chips…the last supper was just Jesus and his friends having their last “with chips”

2015/01/img_2693.jpg

5. Because some local politicians think that velociraptors are only a couple of thousand years old…and the giants causeway was just caused by Noah doing a handbrake turn on his ark

2015/01/img_2694.jpg

6. Because you treat taxi companies like off licences

2015/01/img_2695.jpg

7. Because no driving exam could ever prepare you for the roadworks here
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8. Because Belfast has 7 quarters….and 5 seasons

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 9. Because this is what passes as street art…

Mural

 

10. [REASON REMOVED DUE TO PETITION OF CONCERN FROM THE DUP]

Censored

11. Because you can no longer tell if someone is drunk or just speaking Ulster Scots

Ulster Scots

12. Because you’re not sure what a Pasty is supposed to be…

Cornish Pasty Chip Shop Pasty

13. Because when you order scallops there’s no knowing what you’ll get

Fish Scallop Potato Scallop

 14. Because you don’t want to share an island with Larne anymore

Riverdale flats, Larne. June 2005

15. Because even yer ma says yer ma to you

Yer Ma

16. Because you don’t want to risk confusing these 2 in an emergency anymore

Potato Peeler PSNI

17. Because Michelin won’t give any of our restaurants a Michelin star, as all we do is burn their tyres

Bonfire Tyres Michelin Guide

18. Because this is our city centre after 5pm

Belfast City Centre

19. Because you’ve begun to give everybody nicknames by just adding “sie” on the end of their surname

Nickname

20. Because you’re sick of having to explain to tourists that they can’t have a glass of wine with lunch at easter but they can sit on the street and drink all the white lightning they want

Cheap Cider

21. Because you just can’t be bothered holding on to bank of england notes anymore for holidays

Money

 22. Because you don’t want to live in a place where “Glass” is a verb

Glassed

 23. Because you can’t bring yourself to buy “Going Out Pyjamas”

Pyjamas

24. Because you’ve started to get xenophobic about foreign crisps com’n over ‘ere

Tayto Walkers

 25. Because you’ve began to think of Ikea as the worlds largest hot dog stand, that also happens to sell some furniture

Ikea Hotdog

26. Because in your heart of hearts, you know that Sam really ISN’T yer man for a bargain. Is there even a Sam? Who knows anymore…

Sams Yer Man

27. Because you no longer consider the Glenshane pass a road…but a challenge

Glenshane Pass

28. Because you no longer laugh when you see “Ballybogey” on a sign or on the weather forecast

Ballybogey

29. Because you’ve stopped pointing out when someone on the telly is from here, and you no longer tell everyone that you’ve met that person that was on the telly but that they were up themselves

30. Because you are sick of colour co-ordinating your daily clothes based on what area of town you might venture into

Orange Shirt

31. Because you have used the following line at least once when complaining to a company “I’ll call Nolan on ye so I will”

Nolan

 

32. Because there is no such thing as Noise Cancelling headphones that work in Belfast during July

Breaker Faire PNG 0525N breakerfaire 309

BONUS – 1 Reason to stay: Because despite everything else…we have Crisp Sandwiches….

Crisp Sandwich

 

Any reasons to leave of your own?

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